In My Opinion

Although I'm not really writing this column (it's ghosted by a rotating staff), I can't tell you how angry I am over the latest attacks on family values by the subversives who run the television industry. Specifically, the people responsible for the children's show "Barney," a purple dinosaur who is obviously a homosexual, obviously promoting a socialistic agenda, and most obviously presenting an alternative version of the Creation to very young children.

Even though these are not my ideas (but those of a bunch of laissez faire policy wonks), wouldn't it be wonderful if every community could be as clean, safe, crime-free, friendly, traditonal, and God-fearing as Disneyland? Wouldn't it? Well, here's a proposal (and again, I didn't think of this -- it was a speechwriter at the Heritage Foundation): hire the Disney people to re-design all our cities. Yup. Just don't let that queer Barney in.

And, one more thing (thought up by the speechwriter): let's pass a constitutional amendment that puts prayer back in the classroom. And not just praying to any old "god," but to the real God, the Christian God, the one referred to on our currency. Don't let the atheists and the communists run this country. Put it back in the hands of good, Christian, white males. That's my opinion.