"GREAT IMPROVEMENTS"
(UP ON: BRIGHT, CHEERY TALK SHOW/INFOMERCIAL SET. SEATED AROUND A COFFEE TABLE ARE DICK VAN PATTEN, JAYNE MEADOWS, FLIP WILSON, ANN JILLIAN, AND GRAHAM "THE GALLOPING GOURMET" KERR)
(MUSIC: "GREAT IMPROVEMENTS" THEME)
(MATTE: "GREAT IMPROVEMENTS")
 VAN PATTEN
| Good evening, I'm Dick Van Patten and welcome to "Great Improvements." For the next thirty minutes we're going to demonstrate an amazing self-help system that will be a life-changing experience for many of you. |
MEADOWS
| Dick, I want to make sure our viewers have their credit cards handy, because our good friend Glen Faraday will be here soon to speak to them directly at home. |
VAN PATTEN
|
Yes. Get out your credit cards. |
JILLIAN
| This new self-help therapy involves your utmost attention, so be sure to lock the doors and close the curtains so you won't be disturbed during the broadcast. |
WILSON
| You're probably wondering what the "Great Improvements" self-help program is all about, as I did when I first heard about it. |
KERR
| I thought it had something to do with home repair. |
VAN PATTEN
| Well, in a way, Graham, it does. You see, "Great Improvements" makes a fundamental difference in your life. And now, as mentioned, here's Glen Faraday. |
(CUT TO: GLEN FARADAY)
(ACCESS TO THIS MATERIAL DENIED)
(CUT TO: DICK VAN PATTEN, JAYNE MEADOWS, FLIP WILSON, ANN JILLIAN, AND GRAHAM "THE GALLOPING GOURMET" KERR)
VAN PATTEN
| So, there you have it. I feel better already. |
JILLIAN
| So do I. And so will you. |
MEADOWS
| You won't be disappointed. |
KERR
WILSON
(THE JACK OF SPADES IS REVEALED AS WE
(FADE OUT)
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