"And the losers are... "

   "She received less-than-kind reviews for her performance in the critical failure, 'Love Me To Death'; he had the dubious honor of top billing in the recent floperoo, 'Star Cop' -- here are: Loretta Parkins, and Hoyt Van Ness."
   "Thank you, thank you, Chevy, for that devastating introduction. My, you're looking lovely tonight, Loretta."
   "Why thank you, Hoyt, but enough about me, let's get right to the nominees."
   "I agree. All right... for Best Actress, the nominees are: Audrey McPhartle, for her unconvincing portrayal of Mama in the urban -- as opposed to urbane -- comedy, 'Rap City'; Uma Quinty-Cheswitt, who really had to stretch to play the role of Florence in the cliche'd lowbrow tearjerker, 'The Bold and the Bland'; Nelda Considine, dreadfully miscast as Nan in the stinker, 'A Highway Runs Through It'; Arlene Quinty-Mueller, truly forgettable as Georgina in the aptly-titled, 'The Ordeal'; and Martha Pandemic, for her weird, totally off-the-wall characterization of Babs in 'The Lemon Project.' Loretta, the envelope please."
   "Ooh, Hoyt, I'm so nervous... this is such a tough category... so many weak performances."
   "And, the losers are: Uma Quinty-Cheswitt, Nelda Considine, Martha Pandemic, and Arlene Quinty-Mueller! Uh, let's see, that means the winner would be... Audrey McPhartle. So, while Audrey accepts her award, we'll take a break for these commercial messages. We'll be right back."

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